Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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