just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
