oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
no, he came in my armpit
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry about my life...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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