I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
