I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
