I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
