as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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