I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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