he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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