Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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