She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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