his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
