I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
