..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
