Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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