So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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