ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
