sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
