This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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