get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
