You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
