Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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