I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
