Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize