is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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