Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
love makes seman taste better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize