I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
wow bdsm is so cute
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
