i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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