By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
