even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
