Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
