Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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