You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
