Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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