you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
