Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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