Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
