my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
