pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
