i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
