we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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