your thong is hanging out like whoa
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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