Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
