my vag is so smooth its legendary
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's even glitter on my cock...
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