I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
