its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
