So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
4 words: hood of his car
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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