you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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