This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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