were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
