porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize