now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
