i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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