words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
