end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
