U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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