Screwed.edu
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My life is pants optional.
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