You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
