So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
that's an acceptable place to lick
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
