we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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