so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
