I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
