the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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