when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
