if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
