I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
