I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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