I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
