i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize