I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
