Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
