I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
