Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
