I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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