im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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