she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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